Dissappointed

Dissappointed in myself ...


seriously, it's still february 25, she hasn't talked to me all day ... honestly I know I messed up by not telling her, and just this feeling inside of me is eating me up. For real though, I can't stand it. Idk what it is, I care for her ALOT, and I noticed I get jittery, and worried real quick. So basically I'm worried she might want to stop talking to me, I messed up, it already happened, I truely am sorry for it. I really am sorry for not telling you, and honestly what I did was just a huge mistake. IDK why I did it, it just happened for real ...



seriously though, what is up with all this bullshit (excuse my language, i'm supposed to be giving up cussing but this is real shit) with everybody fucken backstabbing. Real Friends Stab You In The Front, honestly not to be funny, it's real shit. A real Friend, wont go behind your back, he'll be straight up with you. WTF is up with talking behind your back though, and at least dont go behind your back be straight up, and said I told her/him this about what happened or what not, because being honest is the best. I'm not trying to be hypocritical or anything, beacuse I honestly have done it, but I really dont do it AS MUCH, I like to be straight up, and if somebody asks me a question with an answer that I'm supposed to not say, I'll just respond "not any of my business, I'm not getting inbetween that." How fucken hard is that? Shit man, seriously IDK, just venting because this feeling is eating me up right now. I can't stand her being mad at me, seriously want me and her to work, and this shit is really beating the fucken shit out of me. Maybe it's because I'm tired from boarding, but either way, it's really getting to me.

I'm just getting ticked off with all this crap going on, I seriously hate to stresss, I just like to "go with the flow" how lame that saying sounds, but that's how I like to live it up, but this shit right now is really getting to my head, and I really am not used to having crap get to my head. Idk man, talking out of my butt right now ... sorry motherf*cks. Let's try talking about something else to get it off my mind, so this weekend, either way I still hope to see her, I love being around her, she brightens up my day :]

Tomorrow, hmmmmm ... got escuela, WACK! Alright, so senior year is pretty good, mad kickback that's f'sho! Only thing is I'm behind on two elective classes back from Marshall, but I'm catchign up on it, so it's all good.We have this one program called "cyber high" all the classes are on the computers, and you can move as fast as you want on the classes, it's basically you have to pass tests on the units of the class. So basically, I'm finishing up this first class, than got to make up two elective classes, which will be pretty damn easy. If I went everyday to this program, I would have been finished in a week, but I barely go. haha. Oh well, THUG LIFE HOMIE. SOO WOOO ! haha.

I am really hoping for my bike, since I have the hachi, when my brother leaves, and the 200sx I got to drop a motor in it, so I really am hoping to get my bike. My uncle will def. help me, to get my license and my bikeee. yeah, that's my hachi nigggggga, it's a piece of crap right now that's f'sho! But I really have a lot of plans for this '86. Drift Fiendssss homieeeeee!

&it's a wrap ! haha, be easy -Jay

Big Bear

Damn, honestly I haven't "blogged" in so long. I'm surprised I'm getting back into this stuff. I just feel if I write out what I think, I will be able to make more art/pieces for shirts/graphics/etc. Anyways, I just got home from Big Bear. Went half day, but on a weekday it's awesome because no lines, no wait for jumps, boxes, rails, etc. So today within an hour of getting there got in at least 6 runs, it was damn siiiiick. About 8th run in, I started messing around and whaat not, trying new stuff even more, being more gutsy. I hit this one jump, only thing was it was setup for a rail, and I aimed for outside of the rail. So coming off the jump, it was completely weird and it sent me face forward, and once I was on the slope I just knew it was going to go wrong ... I ended up faceplanting ... and nearly got knocked out ... I was laying there for about a minute or so with my face still in the snow ... and my goggles are miscombombulated or however you spell it(I think thats right?) and blood all up in the snow my face was in, and on my face, spitting blood and everything. So I got up, and just started to head down, grabbing snow while carving to put in my mouth and on my face ... right now it's just scratched up and swelling went down a lot. For about an hour, I couldn't feel my lips it was crazy I guess. So glad I didn't get knocked out or a concussion, because I hit it damn hard.



Here's a pic like a couple of hours after icing and what not. Looks way better compared to when it actually happened ... my goggles are the main cause of the scratches and stuff.







So, anyways besides going boarding and just today. I've been talking to this one girl, and honestly I'm really glad me and her are talking. She's making a great impact on my life already, and just I dont want to lose her. Today, we sort of technically not got into a fight, but she got mad at me for a reason, and just personally might sound gay or not, but just can't have that. I messed up by not telling her, but what was I to do, I didn't know when to tell her, I was scared that like she would just leave me eh. Other than that problem, I basically spend my weekends with her, and she comes and chills with my good friends [COT]. I just really am glad me and her talk, that's f'sho. Can't wait to see her tomorrow that's f'sho.

I'll end this one right here. Be Easy, -Jay.